Moving on...

I had a crazy scary dream last night that I don't even want to share because it was a panic-causing one and I just don't want to give it any more thought.  Or put it out there in the universe (tiny little sector of the universe that is this blog space.)

I have been reflecting on the balancing act that is my life lately.  Somehow if I could blend the different components of my life into one solid, sturdy existence I would be in a much better place. 

There is my job, which has its frustrations but for the most part an environment that I enjoy.

There is my involvement in mental health advocacy, which is something new I am slowly delving into but have to be somewhat secretive about it because of stigma.

There is my creative self, which does not seek to do anything major on a large scale but rather connect emotionally with other artists' whose works I greatly admire.  I have come to admire the artists in close, intimate proximity of a safe place of art therapy group most of all.  It's a critic-free, highly supportive space where we encourage each other and never compete.  I'm not cut out for anything but that.

There is the survivor part of me.

There is the guide-to-another part of me. The unconditionally supportive friend to another that deserves more time and explanation somewhere, someday.  Or something else.

And finally, there is the curious, ever-learning child who is always wondering when she'll feel like a grown-up.  

Somehow, if all these facets of 'me' could tie up into one solid confident human being I could feel like I'm contributing and helping in some way.  Because i feel no significant worth unless I'm helping out somehow.  There's so much destruction and apathy and bad stuff out there that a good swift shift is needed for positivity to spread around where it's needed most.  And I believe it takes a lot of healthy whole well-balanced folks to start making that happening.