tcbpb (takin' care of bipolar business)

So I've been catching up on season 3 of Homeland and I have to say, Claire Danes does a super realistic portrayal of bipolar mania.  I'm really rooting for the fictional character Carrie to comply and stay on her meds, but then the realistic me knows exactly what she means when she says she 'misses things.' 

Oh, the meds.  So I am trying a new med combo starting tonight, and I'm scared because med changes are AWFUL.  There are withdrawal symptoms, sleepless nights and extreme agitation.  I usually increase therapy appointments and hide out from the world as best I can.  Maybe I just have psychological turmoil from the anticipation of a new side effect or two or three as I have done this routine several times now.  Or more.  I now have resorted to saying a little prayer to the universe when I swallow a new med that *THIS* will be the magic cure with minimal side effects.

I'm trying to use essential oils in conjunction with these changes and continuously with the meds, but I don't know if they really help.  But at this point, I'll try anything.

I just wish the day would come when I wouldn't even have to fuss over this stuff and my life can resume to normal.  Or at least as normal as possible.

Trazadone, Risperdal, Zoloft, Klonopin, Abilify, Lamictal, Geodon, Seroquel, Propanoprol, Ativan, Latuda, Saphris, about three others I can't even remember the names of now, and now back to Trazadone.  Over the course of about 17 years I have been or am on these psych drugs.  Is that my contribution to society?  That I've lived to tell the tale of living on psychiatric medications?  ugh!  I hope there's more to life than all this.