Unwanted attention

As I adjust to my normal, stable life again I am faced with bouts of paranoia.  Everything is manageable except this paranoia.  Sometimes I wonder if a change of scenery would help, or if the paranoia would just continue to trail behind.

I try to focus each day on little steps which bring me a sense of calm, but sometimes a feeling overcomes me that I am being judged.  Over and over and over again, I am being poked and prodded with judgement.  I don't know what I'm supposed to do, what I'm supposed to say, or what I'm supposed to be.

I wish I could go back in time and disappear.  I wish I could go back in time and stay in a foreign country, because I just don't know what is expected of me.  I am nothing to be focused on, and I will continue to do small work in mental health support....because it's the only safe place I know these days.