Networks of support

I still feel like I kind of have to live a double life with mental health issues.  It's not as if I need to unload every single traumatic event that has ever occurred in my life publicly, but it is important to feel connected to those who perhaps know the depths of depression or the frightening heights of mania.  It's important to know others have walked down similar roads, where they'd have to step away from life and navigate the halls of a psych ward for a few weeks until reckless thoughts are replaced with functioning, stable mental processes.

As far as relationships go, I often think about ways to suggest to loved ones how they might go about offering support to someone in the midst of a mental health crisis.  I've thought a lot about it in fact, and here are a few things:

1) Visit your friend or loved one during visiting hours in the psych ward, don't just gossip about them with your friends and family in their absence. Just go and play a game of scrabble with them, or bring them a nice personal care item like a lavender hand cream that uplifts their spirit.  BE THERE.  I know it's hard to see someone there, but just go and visit.

2) When visiting, don't diss the doctors or offer your opinions about every tiny facet of the mental health system.  Creating a feeling of dissatisfaction or even feeding fear for your friend or loved one just makes them feel hopeless and confused and scared.  Support.  Just offer support.  Sometimes the psych ward is the best place for them....

3) Let the professionals do their job, and give your friend or loved one space to sort through their own feelings.  There will be plenty of time down the road to advocate and help them discover helpful tools to cope, as well as make medication adjustments as needed.

These are just a few things that I wish I would have had.  Don't say things like, "you're on your own with that shit."

For the love of God, don't say that.

Outlook

I have to keep reminding myself of my successes and to not feel let down by the limitations that mental health troubles bring.

It's easy to dwell on the sadness that labels bring, but once you can find that space to give empowerment a try, I think things can start to turn around.

It's important to find supports.  I have a few, but I'm working on trying to find more.  It's not easy, but I won't give up.

Perspective

Oh dear.  I just don't know what to do anymore.  I am still struggling in life and age 40 is right around the corner.  I do the therapy, I take my job seriously, I pay my bills on time, I go to support groups, I try and reach out, I try and be a good friend.

I don't have any brilliant million dollar ideas to achieve any success.  I try and write, like really write and I don't mean on this dumb mental health blog, but nothing ever comes of it.

Still, in retrospect, I am doing better than I once was.  I'm not overloaded on pills, where I went to bed at 7:30pm for two whole years because my goofy former psychiatrist told me I needed to sleep.  I'm not suicidal or even get close to that point like I once was many moons ago (for that I blamed the very wrong med combo I was on.)  And I actually don't mind going to psychiatrist appointments because he respects me.  Heck, I might have even been a positive role model for a few young ladies I've managed at the shop in recent years.

But I'm not content.  I still deal with financial distress.  I still shudder in fear and anxiety and probably always will due to the effects of early childhood and adolescent trauma and violence.

Sigh.

Difficulties

Today is just a tough day.  That is all I want to say for now.