Perspective

Oh dear.  I just don't know what to do anymore.  I am still struggling in life and age 40 is right around the corner.  I do the therapy, I take my job seriously, I pay my bills on time, I go to support groups, I try and reach out, I try and be a good friend.

I don't have any brilliant million dollar ideas to achieve any success.  I try and write, like really write and I don't mean on this dumb mental health blog, but nothing ever comes of it.

Still, in retrospect, I am doing better than I once was.  I'm not overloaded on pills, where I went to bed at 7:30pm for two whole years because my goofy former psychiatrist told me I needed to sleep.  I'm not suicidal or even get close to that point like I once was many moons ago (for that I blamed the very wrong med combo I was on.)  And I actually don't mind going to psychiatrist appointments because he respects me.  Heck, I might have even been a positive role model for a few young ladies I've managed at the shop in recent years.

But I'm not content.  I still deal with financial distress.  I still shudder in fear and anxiety and probably always will due to the effects of early childhood and adolescent trauma and violence.

Sigh.