Orphan

Saw the movie Orphan today. I hesitated.... one side of me just simply loves a scary creepy movie yet the other side of me has to be careful with themes. Art, film, books....to experience something then find it roaming around there in the universe like that. Sometimes I experience artistic sensory overload. I prefer it this way. Makes one not feel so alone in the universe, nest-ce pas?

I read Time Travelers Wife while on medical leave on what they call 'pelvic rest' after a specific sort of trauma had occured. A nurse from the insurance company called to check on my pregnancy after she noticed something was happening from recent medical claims and I had just gotten to the part where the character in the book was in the the same hospital I was in after several days of lots of blood and no more little heartbeat or movement inside the womb. I had just gone through it....this same very experience....had that book sitting on the shelf for months...and just picked it up on a whim...same exact hospital as mentioned in the book and well....I just kinda lost it on the phone with that nurse. They say to stay away from certain themes and surround yourself with sunshine, lollipops and rainbows, but sometimes connecting to a fictional tale at that particular moment of pain is kinda God's way of sayin, "I wish this world was perfect and one never had to endure pain, but darlin' (at this point God brushed the hair out of my teary eyes with a tad of an Elvis-like swagger) women's pain is one of the most defining moments of divinity you may find yourself floating in. I am Here."

Mr. T and I caught the first showing of the film Orphan this morning. Even the opening scene was difficult for me to watch. Flashbacks. Surrounded by doctors and nurses in a hazy fog hearing, "I'm so sorry for your loss." Over and over and over again. Sitting on a bench outside the hospital while Mr. T went to pull up the car two years ago, my white box filled with items from the March of Dimes as a woman was rolled up next to me with her newborn baby in her arms and balloons and flowers and family all around. Yes, the opening scene of today's movie and whispers of it throughout the film were very difficult reminders.

But if I had to express myself and my experience, an angry horror film isn't too far off.

Sooooooo soooo many themes in this movie and I don't want to give away any of the twists. Controversial? What ISN'T controversial these days?

Anyway....

my heart feels a lil heavy during this time of the year.
i'd change the lyric in Lucinda Williams' 'Heaven Blues' from 'mother' to 'child.'