printemps...the first day...

I ran a few errands this March Chicago morning.  Bundled up in my down-filled coat and hat and gloves and insulated Merrell boots.  On the first day of spring.  Part of being a Chicagoan is talking about the weather all the time with strangers.  Seriously.  Especially as everyone shivers together at a bus stop.  It frustrates us so, but we are all so inclined to keep on complaining about it and bonding over the overall discomfort.

But good news--tickets to Tejas are booked for mid April!  Eighty degrees, here I come!  I used to spend every summer in Texas visiting grandparents so I always feel a little smile coming on every time I get on that plane or in the backseat of my parent's car.  My dear grandfather Tex is still going strong and I need to spend some quality time with him.  He's always complained about my life choices--about my decision to NOT get a driver's license even though he gave me his old car, about my decision to leave college with only an A.A. in French, about various career choices and extended travel jaunts I've made.  But he's proud of my work at the bookstore and says it's my 'best job yet.'  I know it's not the most glamorous of positions nor do I have the drive to move up the corporate ladder, but it suits me.  I know my bosses expect me to gain more skills and take on more responsibility, but my anxiety prevents me from doing so.  I suffer from anxiety, extreme at times, and it hinders me.  I wish there were a way to effectively communicate this in my next review...especially to prevent being slammed and criticized for not advancing.  Why don't people understand that some people are comfortable and will continue to do well in a mid-level management job...that not everyone MUST move up and up and up until they are the leader supreme?  It's not that I'm unmotivated...that's not it at all.  I'm just more comfortable with a small team to lead in a specialty department that I love so well.  Anyway, I am very much looking forward to a week's vacation and escape from all the politics.  Beaches, family, Austin, Snoopy's in Corpus, Benjamin's Surf Shop, San Antonio, talking to Grandpa...it will be fantastic.

I picked up more movies at the library.  Mongol, Tideland, The Crazy Stranger.  I talk about movies and music and books a lot at work and can give pretty decent recommendations when asked.  But as far as writing reviews for these things, I dunno.  I can appreciate many creative undertakings--these art-makers can do things I can never imagine myself accomplishing.  They have discipline and skill.  While some works I appreciate more than others, I just feel a little funny about being a critic.  I have too much respect for creative folk.  These are the people who can make magic happen.  All of these works enrich my life in some strange, fantastic way...