Arms up

I don't know what to do.  What I'm supposed to do.  All of these years, everyone around me being 'coy' about me being crazy, laughing and mocking me as if the depths of my pain were all just mere pangs of entertaining everyone feeding off other people's misfortunes.

It's insanity, all of it.

Anyway, I'm thinking of my friend again tonight.  I'm not allowed to speak his name because unpredictable opinion spews out in one of two ways:  "oh, how "cute."  

Or the alternative:  raging angry opinion.

I'm trying to cut through all the crap and get to what's real in the heart.

My heart aches to be near my friend and help him as he can help me.

But I'm not in a position to do that.  Because I'm not an equal.

I'm beneath what's appropriate or acceptable.

And I find that so very tragically sad.