And different people long for different things. Of course they do. Everyone is so damn wildly different. What would the world be if we all sought out the same things?
I don't know what the future holds for me and my 'longings.' But after talking to different women who are older and I've come to know through all the trials and tribulations I've watched them encounter, I've been assured that my longings aren't 'silly' ones, for lack of a better word. It's very hard for me to express, but this text slightly touches upon it:
"If motherhood didn’t matter so much, it wouldn’t merit such feelings of the heart. Only because motherhood is a sacred responsibility of boundless importance does it engender such depth of feeling.
Motherhood is not a checklist of attributes. It’s a description of a person who loves another more than life itself. No two mothers are just alike. Not a single one is expected to be perfect—or close to it. Mothers with foresight know they do their best simply by doing a little better every day.
Mothers nurture and love; they create homes of warmth and safety; they cultivate strengths and see potential. “A mother is the first and most important teacher in a child’s life.”[i]
No one can adequately take a mother’s place. She willingly walks into the valley of the shadow of death as she gives life. And then she walks alongside her children, sustaining them until they venture on their own. Even then, her heart follows close behind and skips a beat every time she hears their footsteps—every time their thoughts turn to home."
[i] Bruce C. Hafen and Marie K. Hafen, The Belonging Heart: The Atonement and Relationships with God and Family (1994), 294.
I am heavied by these sentiments. I don't know if it's going to happen.
Hugest thing of my life.
It's huge.
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