A little sap

Sometimes a little sap is good.  It's calming and stilling and peace-provoking.  But not too much of it for this girl!  I have to be TUFF after all.

There are so many things from childhood that were so very difficult.  I escaped through gymnastics, tv and movies, and my Fisher-Price record player.

Sound of Music was always one of my favorites.



I had a terrible dream last night and my husband was trying to get me to talk about it and he got frustrated when I said I wouldn't.  It was scary, like a PTSD revelatory dream.  Like a detective dreams out solutions in their dreams, I know.  And only you and you and you know.  I used to get scared when my grandmere would get them in the night after enduring her traumatic teenage years under the occupation.  So I know what a nightmare really can be.

I know I'm not alone in this world when I say that our relationships with our fathers can be full of complexities.  Physical abuse and violence and rage is something pretty characteristic I've heard in handfuls of group therapies with others.  But when my dad helped me through the darkest moment of my life, I learned about the power of forgiveness via a certain Someone.  I don't like to go around evangelizing because I think every person's path is different and sometimes people use religion for strange reasons I still don't fully comprehend.