Depression: A Feminine Perspective

Uggggh.  I'm feeling sooo soooo loooow.  I have cramps, I'm afraid of a new medication and I'm sick of talking about how much I hate it.  I'm a loner.  I ride alone.  I'm going to try a support group next week, and I am on a mission to find some bipolar peers.  Someone I can talk to openly about these damn meds.  The other night I was standing at a bus stop and it started pouring rain.  I was the only one with an umbrella, and when I offered to share it with the others, they each turned me down.  They would rather get drenched and stand in a downpour than stand under an umbrella next to a weirdo like me.  What am I, a girl CHARLIE BROWN?!  Do I exude weirdness?  Am I the Charlie Brownest?  I posted about it on Facebook and one of my aunts commented:

'Youre a kind person!  That scares people!'

Anywaaayys, I just ate a giant piece of big goopy chocolate cake and I think I'm just going to sit here until menopause hits.  Maybe I'll write a few more bad poems, journal more of my depression, go for a few walks, and venture out to a few rock shows here and there to watch all the kids having fun.  Maybe when I'm standing all alone in those big crowds I'll find a new group of bipolar kids so we can talk about what our meds are doing to us today and maybe we'll laugh together about our most embarrassing things we did while manic.  Maybe if we can come up with enough money between us we can really live it up and splurge for some tacos.  

I'm so depressed that I cannot even bear to read all those inspirational 'follow your dreams' things everybody's flooding Facebook with every day.  I have to shut it off!  Get those things away from me!  Those just make me feel a bazillions times worse when I take a look around at my reality I'm living.  

And BOY do my cramps make me angry!!!  Men have NO IDEA what it's like to be a woman.  To live a whole long life in a woman's body.  We put up with this pain every month for so many bloody years and what a waste of my time it's turned out to be.  I know I know I know.  Focus on the positives.

But dude, how can I not GET ANGRY sometimes?!?!

I'm gonna go put on some Cramps music and call it a night.

Happy Mental Health Awareness Month, kids.